The trainers at the gym always stress the importance of developing a strong core.  Apparently the core holds the body up and a strong one helps a person to stand up taller, prouder, stronger.  A well-trained core equates with stability and strength.  I’m working hard so that these two traits will permeate all areas of my life.

Time to hit the gym..

What am I supposed to do now?

It’s only 2:35 in the afternoon and I’ve already displayed more signs of absent-mindedness than an 80 year old on crack.  What’s wrong with me?  Oh right, it’s a Monday.

• Accidentally banged my arm against the door on my way out this morning
• Caught myself trying to get off the wrong subway station
• Printed the same document twice
• Left my lock on the locker at the gym
• Tried to put on chapstick with the cap still on

CAN I GO HOME NOW.

今天終於感受到那種 「心酸」 的感覺。 沒想到我也會有這樣的情感。 真的是由心內浮出來的酸漏漏。 也許這算是一種浪漫罷？ 原來過了五年我都一樣很在乎。

真正的「美麗」是誠實和勇敢去面對自己的感受。 知道自己的弱點反而是優美的表現。

chrisBEAN, 加油! Face your demons and slay them all.

Everywhere someone’s getting over
Everybody cries
And sometimes you can still lose even if you really try
Talk about the dream like the dream is over
Talk like that won’t get you nowhere
Everybody’s trusting in the heart like the heart don’t lie

So here we go.  I apologize if this sounds like an advice column.   Actually, I don’t apologize.   You are the ones who submitted these questions, dude.  I will oblige by playing agony aunt.

Question: How do you look like without makeup on? Can you show us a picture of no makeup vs. makeup?
Answer: So because I have like.. no shame, here’s a picture of me makeup-less at the end of a makeup job, after having 3 hrs of sleep the night before, getting up at 5am and running around all day.  Oh wait, I lied, I did my brows.  So ya, this is pretty much me at my worst.  I hope this satisfies your curiosity.

Question: you have super model legs, you know?
Answer: Aw thanks!  Hardly “super model”, but thanks :]

Question: Do you ever stream on ustream anymore? I miss seeing your LIVE pretty face.
Answer: Ya I’ve really dropped the ball on that.  I plan to get back on it, I swear.   I was streaming 2 weeks ago and it felt strange.. I’ll try to start again soon, I promise.

Question: I know this is not a question, but you are the sweetest person I’ve ever met. The way you touch people’s lives is amazing.
Answer: Oh thank you.  That means a lot to me.   You’ve touched my life too. :]

Question: Where the vlogs be at???
Answer: I have some on facebook.  I have a few ideas on what to talk about next, so look for those in the coming weeks.

Question: Why aren’t you single?
Answer: Because I am double :]

Question: why can’t i blend my eyeshadow like you???? can u show me?
Answer: I can’t really show you here, but the trick to blending is adding LAYERS of colours instead of just really heavy chunks.  You want to achieve a gradual build-up.   To blend out the edges, grab a clean fluffy brush and just buff it out.   So add colour, blend out, add more colour, blend out more.. keep repeating until you have the intensity you’re looking for.  I’d be happy to show you in person if you’re in the area.  Email me.

Question: Sometimes I am overwhelmed with feelings of jealousy, like when my boyfriend hangs out with other girls and talks about how pretty they are. How can I overcome that? Please help.
Answer: I don’t know enough about the situation to “help” you, but I will give you my 2 cents since you asked me.   This COULD be a question of self-esteem.   Please trust in your own beauty, both inside and out.  Have you conjured up assumptions like “my boyfriend doesn’t think I am pretty”, “he thinks they are much better than I am”, “he doesn’t love me anymore”? If these questions are eating away at you, nip them in the bud and start telling yourself FACTS.  Chances are, while your boyfriend enjoys hanging out with his lady friends or finds them attractive, he enjoys your company more and loves YOU for who you are as a whole.  He’s with you for a reason, silly.  BUT, if your boyfriend excessively praises other girls, spends time with them and neglects how you feel, he needs a kick in the face.  If you’re with a guy who doesn’t make you feel beautiful, you need to take that as a warning sign.   While you may be battling self-esteem issues, he should be there to reassure and support you.  Talk to him about how his actions make you feel.

Question: what makes a man a true “man”?
Answer: One who stands with integrity in all aspects of his life.

Question: need to lose 5 pounds. how?
Answer: Starve yourself for a week.  Oh, you mean in a healthy way?

Question: Can you explain your dots phobia?
Answer: I don’t know.   I can’t explain it.   Aren’t phobias irrational fears?  I just hate dots!   I don’t even wanna think about them.

You can ask your very own anonymous question at the sidebar.

s a n t a . m o n i c a

So if you’ve seen me these past couple of weeks, you might’ve, no, would’ve, noticed the massive breakout on my face.   Because of my usual relatively-clear skin, a lot of people have been asking me what the hell happened.

STRESS HAPPENED.

So guys, thanks for asking.  I’ve been battling heaps of conflicting priorities and my body is sending me warning signals.  Instead of loading my face with a ton of skincare products to combat the breakout, I’ve decided to just leave it alone.  I definitely could do something to make it go away faster, but I am not going to.  I’m sure it’ll get better on its own when I learn to slow the heck down and just let me BE, not DO.

Nifty lesson.  I can’t think of any other way to learn it better than this.

Bloggin’ it up at some college at Aurora. I’m on a wedding job and we’re here to take some pictures. :] First wedding gig of this year for me! Freelance business is getting busy again and I’m glad. I forgot how much I love doing this. Making women feel beautiful is so empowering. Despite the achy back from all the bending, this side job thing makes me feel useful.

I’ve been up since 5 this morning and surprisingly I am holding up quite well. I feel like I finally have the approval and support of my parents to do this makeup thing. They are interested in what I do and I no longer have to jusitify why I am going here and travelling there with a traincase and brush belt. Feels cool :] Of course the Mister has been cheering me on every step of the way. From small things like a phone call to ask me how I am doing during a gig, to bigger things like driving all the way downtown to come pick me up after a late night photoshoot, he’s been there to support and encourage me. He believed in me even before I was brave enough to pursue this small project. Thanks, honster!

Ohhhh man the sap! Must be the wedding mood around here. Speaking of that, planning a wedding is so hectic! I was thinking about it the other day and it got too overwhelming to continue. How are ppl doing this?

and I’m afraid of admitting it.

Hey, turn the light on and take a hard look.

Some of you might be aware that I always wear a watch.  Since grade 7, I’ve been wearing one daily.  At work, my watch is my best companion.  I need to know the when, where, who and what of my boss at all times and my watch allows me to get my job done with ease.  Even outside of work, I live my life according to the hands of my watch.  I like to plan ahead and adhere to a set schedule.  And yes, I’m about as spontaneous as a loaf of stale bread.  Anomalies make me uncomfortable and last minute changes make me cringe.  What can I say?  I just hate to relinquish control.

If you are at all observant, you would have noticed that I haven’t been wearing my watch for the past 3 weeks.  I am not exactly sure why I started doing this, but I think it was to see if giving up this small habit would “loosen me up”.  And it did.  While I still need to check what time it is every now and then on my phone for sanity’s sake, the removal of such strappy device has freed me from compulsively wanting to know what time it is.  Activities and routines of my life that used to bump and graze like rigid blocks are meshing together seamlessly.  I think I like this… Still a stale loaf of bread, but a more relaxed one.